Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
