we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
