This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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