if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
