I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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