Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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