I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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