I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
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