now i know why i became what i already was.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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