Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
