Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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