I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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