It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
