What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
