I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
