What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Success! We fucked roommates!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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