half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
