you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
