Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
