can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
