question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
