Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
this boner is exhausting
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
