i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
