Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
