How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
