Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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