Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
