So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Holy shit dude........stairs
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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