wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
