I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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