The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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