Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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