im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
