Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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