dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
