you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
