Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
