my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
