What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
