pop tarts are not kleenex
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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