Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
