I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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