All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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