Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
