i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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