hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
