Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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