tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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