For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
