Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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