omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
