I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
