is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
