i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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