I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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