so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
